When a child becomes reluctant to spend time with a parent after separation, it can be upsetting and bewildering for everyone involved. A parent who previously enjoyed a close relationship with their child may struggle to understand why that child no longer wants to visit, answer messages or even speak to them.
There can be many reasons a child withdraws from a relationship, and understanding those reasons is essential before decisions are made about what should happen next. The family court’s focus is on the child’s welfare and the circumstances of the particular family. It will consider what has happened, how the child has been affected, and what arrangements are safe and suitable for them.
What is meant by parental alienation?
The term parental alienation is commonly used to describe a situation where a child has become resistant to a relationship with one parent because of the behaviour of the other. For example, a parent may be concerned that their former partner has repeatedly told their child that they are unsafe or do not care about them. Over time, the child may share those views and feel unable to enjoy time with that parent.
However, the fact that a child has become distant from a parent does not, by itself, establish that the other parent is responsible. The court must look carefully at the evidence and consider other possible explanations, including whether the child’s reaction is connected to their own experiences.
What behaviour might cause concern?
The behaviour that leads to concern can take different forms; sometimes a parent may make repeated negative comments about the other parent within the child’s hearing. A child who regularly hears that a parent is selfish or cannot be trusted may become anxious about spending time with them.
In other situations, a parent may place the child under emotional pressure; for example, the child might be made to feel guilty for enjoying a visit or worry that talking warmly about one parent will upset the other.
A parent may also be concerned about a pattern of disrupted arrangements. Individual changes can happen for entirely understandable reasons, particularly when children are ill or family circumstances change. However, if time together is repeatedly cancelled and alternatives are not offered, the parent affected may want to understand why.
What should you do if your child suddenly refuses to see you?
A sudden change in your child’s behaviour can be hurtful, particularly if you do not know what has caused it. Your first instinct may be to ask them to explain or to confront the other parent.
If you have an opportunity to speak to your child, try to listen without asking them to take sides; they may not be able to explain their feelings straight away, and repeated questioning could leave them feeling under pressure. You could let them know you care about them and are willing to listen when they feel ready.
It may also be possible to ask the other parent whether they are aware of anything troubling your child. Keeping that conversation focused on your child’s wellbeing, rather than beginning with an accusation, may make a constructive response more likely.
If there is already a Child Arrangements Order, take legal advice promptly about your position and the appropriate next steps. A solicitor can help you consider the terms of the order alongside any concerns that have arisen.
What evidence might be relevant?
The evidence available will depend on the issues in the case; messages between parents may help show how arrangements were discussed, while a record of cancelled visits can highlight a particular pattern.
Information from a child’s school may also be relevant if staff have noticed a change in their behaviour or wellbeing. In some cases, the court may need to consider records held by children’s services or the police, particularly where safeguarding concerns have been raised.
Avoid putting your child in the position of gathering evidence for you. Asking them to record conversations or report on the other household can place them under considerable pressure and often makes the situation more difficult for them.
Will the child’s wishes and feelings decide the outcome?
The child’s wishes and feelings are an important part of the court’s decision, but they are considered alongside other welfare factors. The weight given to what a child says will depend on their age and understanding, as well as the circumstances in which their views have developed.
An older child who can explain a consistent and considered wish may have a significant influence on the outcome. A younger child’s views also matter, although they may need support to express themselves in a way that feels comfortable and appropriate for their age.
Where a child says they do not want to see a parent, the court will want to understand why. Their views should not be dismissed simply because one parent believes that they have been influenced, nor should it be assumed that the child can always identify every reason for their feelings.
What findings can the court make?
After considering the evidence, the court may find that a child’s reluctance is connected to their own experiences of a parent. It may also find that behaviour by the other parent has contributed to the difficulties in the relationship.
In some cases, the court may conclude that several factors are involved or that an allegation has not been proved. This does not automatically establish that the person making it acted dishonestly, or that the opposite explanation is correct; rather, the judge has assessed each issue on the evidence available.
Can an existing Child Arrangements Order be changed?
A parent can apply to vary an existing Child Arrangements Order if the current arrangements are no longer suitable. The court will consider the circumstances and decide whether a change would be in the child’s best interests.
Where a parent says that an order is not being followed, the court may also be asked to consider enforcement. Before making an enforcement order, the court must consider whether the person who did not comply had a reasonable excuse.
Taking advice early can help you decide whether an application to vary or enforce an order is appropriate, or if another step would better address the problem. If you would like advice about parental alienation concerns or child arrangements, please contact our team today.
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